


The Flirting Contest

by JetGirl1832, tomatopudding



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Contests, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 11:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11759181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/pseuds/JetGirl1832, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: John loves his boyfriends, just sometimes they can be a little ridculous in proving how amazing they think they are.





	The Flirting Contest

John loved his boyfriends, truly he did, but sometimes it just felt like he was dating a pair of children.

Today was one such day.

"Oh come on I'm totally a better flirt than you are," Alex glared at Lafayette.

"You?" Lafayette raised his brow, "You lack the French charm."

"I have enough charm that I don't have to rely on my nationality for it," Alex replied haughtily, "because that's just lazy."

Lafayette stuck out his tongue in retaliation.

"Why is this something you two are even arguing about?" John groaned.

"It's a matter of pride, John," Alex sighed. 

"Exactly," agreed Lafayette, "and therefore there is only one way to settle this."

"Oh no," John rolled his eyes.

"A flirting contest," Alex grinned, "With John as the subject."

"Yes!" Lafayette said, as John simultaneously groaned, "No."

"We need to lay out some rules," Alex began.

"Of course," Lafayette nodded, "I believe that we should have three categories: pick up lines, compliments, and appearance."

"Three days for each stage," Alex decided. 

"Minimal touching during the flirting," added Lafayette. 

"No sex until the contest is done!" Alex offered.

"Oh, come on," John pouted, "This is your argument. Why am I getting punished?"

"Deal!" Lafayette replied ignoring John's complaints.

John groaned and fell against the couch, letting his head fall back. Lafayette and Alex shook hands over him.

"You are going down..." Alex grinned, "Gilbert."

"Oh Alex," Lafayette tutted, "you will regret this."

"I regret everything," muttered John. 

"All those in favor of not starting the sex ban until tomorrow?" Alex asked. 

"Aye!" responded Lafayette. 

John yelped as he was attacked from both sides. 

\----------

Stage 1: Pick-Up Lines  
Day 1

Honestly, John had kind of forgotten about the whole contest. Which is why he was caught off guard when Alex sidled up to him the next day in the break room of the law firm where all three of them worked. 

John looked at him in confusion while Alex just grinned for a moment.

"Are you a beaver?" Alex said with a smile, "cause damn."

John groaned, grabbed his coffee and pushed his way past Alex.

"Come on," Alex called after him, "Give me points out of ten!"

John rolled his eyes and continued to his desk where, of course, Lafayette was lying in wait. 

"You must be a dictionary," he said, "because you give my life meaning."

John blinked, "That's...actually kind of sweet."

"Ha! I'm winning!" Lafayette crowed in Alex's direction. 

"Nobody is winning!" John insisted, but Lafayette wasn't listening and had already left the room. 

John groaned and let his head fall on his desk, barely missing his mug of coffee. 

"Do I even want to know what's going on?"

John lifted his head to see their boss, George Washington, looking down at him with one eyebrow raised. 

"I don't think so, sir," replied John.

\----------

Day 2

The next morning Lafayette and Alex were at it again, John on the other hand just wanted his breakfast.

He was doing his best to tune them out, but it was really difficult because if he didn't listen the first time they would just get his attention and say the line all over again. 

"Hey," Alex said prodding his arm, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you're my angel."

"Have I mentioned lately how much I hate you both?" John asked. 

"But, mon cher, how could you hate me when I would change the alphabet to put us together?" pouted Lafayette. 

Alex burst out into laughter, "That's not how it goes."

Lafayette shoved Alex, "Shut up you."

"It just proves that I'm superior at pick up lines," said Alex, "So one point to me."

"First of all, there is one more day for this," Lafayette pointed out, "And second of all, it is John who decides, not you."

"How many times do I have to tell you to leave me out if this?" John whined.

 

\----------

Day 3

The next day was a Saturday, so they didn't have work. Normally, John loved their days off because they could just hang out, but with this stupid contest going on. While Alex was in the shower and Lafayette was still sleeping, John snuck out of their apartment to go meet with Eliza and Hercules for brunch. 

 

"You guys need to save me," John sighed after taking a sip of his coffee, "those two are going to drive me insane."

"You could just choose a winner now and the. They probably won't continue onto whatever else they have planned," Hercules suggested. 

John raised an eyebrow, "Are you crazy? Choosing a winner now will definitely not stop them. Not to mention, if I choose one of them, the other will pout at me until I change my answer."

"Which of course means that the first one you chose will pout until you change your answer again," said Eliza casually. 

"Exactly!" John sighed, resting his chin in his hands, "Repeat ad nauseam.

"This is why it's a problem when you date people with ego's like Laf and Alex," Hercules rolled his eyes.

"The heart wants what the heart wants," John lamented. 

Hercules wrinkled his nose, "Come on, man, that's terrible. Leave the poetry to the poets."

John stuck out his tongue and took another sip of his coffee, "You don't know my pain."

"Nope," Hercules replied, popping the P, "And that's just fine with me."

"You two are absolutely no help," John said. 

"I say that you let this whole thing run its course," Eliza told him, "They'll probably get bored soon anyway."

"Bored?" John raised his brow, "You think Alex and Laf are going to get bored?"

"Oh, of course not," replied Eliza flippantly, "I was just trying to make you feel better."

"I do appreciate that," John smiled slightly.

"I'm still glad that it's you dealing with it and not me," Hercules added. 

John kicked him under the table.

\----------

John returned to his apartment and lingered outside knowing what was coming if he entered, and he was sure he was ready for the onslaught.

Taking one last deep breath, John let himself into the apartment and braced himself for the worst. 

"My darling compass has returned!"

Lafayette must have been waiting behind the door because he appeared out of nowhere and it made John twitch in surprise. 

"Your compass?" he asked. 

"Oui. I am lost without you," replied Lafayette.

"Oh my god," John breezed past him hoping to find some place he could escape his boyfriends at least for a little while, but was then accosted by Alex.

"You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment," Alex said, quirking an eyebrow with a smirk, "Want to help prove him wrong?"

"We're already dating," John deadpanned.

"You are ruining the purpose of this competition!" Alex frowned.

"Good," John replied, "maybe you can bring it to a premature end."

"I will only give up when I win," Alex replied.

John groaned and walked away.

"Wait come back!" Alex followed, "I'm not done yet!"

\----------

Stage 2: Compliments  
Day 1

After the weekend full of pick up lines, John was certainly glad to be back to work on Monday. Especially since Washington had put all three of them on different cases. It was the first time John was happy to have Burr as his co-counsel instead of one of his boyfriends.

He let out a sigh as he flipped opened one of the files, he could at least enjoy the quiet Burr was giving him. John also appreciated that Burr had agreed to do their work in his office, which was a designated Alex-free zone.

"John you look a little frazzled," Burr noted.

"You would be too after the weekend I had," John muttered.

"Do I want to know?" Burr raised his brow.

"It involves Alex," John hedged. 

Burr sighed, "Never mind."

"Thought so," John muttered.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Yes?" Burr called. 

The door opening to reveal one of the law school interns. She didn't cross the threshold of the office door, rocking on her heels slightly as she spoke. 

"I'm sorry to bother, but Mr. Laurens you're needed in the conference room," she said, "It's, um, it's urgent."

John was certain he knew what this was about, but on the off chance he was wrong he got to his feet.

"We'll continue when you return," Burr said mildly, "And do try not to kill Alex. We may not get along, but he is a good lawyer."

John chuckled. Obviously Burr had the same thought as him. 

"I can't make any promises," replied John.

He walked slowly to the conference room, "This had better actually be important," John mumbled.

As John had expected, Alex was waiting for him. 

"Good, you came," Alex said, his face brightening, "I have something really important to tell you."

The sincerity in his voice made John let down his guard. He shouldn't have.

"Have I ever told you how gorgeous your freckles are?" Alex purred walking over to John, "especially this set on your cheek," Alex cupped John's chin and he began to feel like he was going to melt.

"They have a really interesting shape," Alex noted.

"Yeah?" John was beginning to fall hard and fast.

"They're in the shape of the Bermuda Triangle," Alex noted.

"How's that?" John asked.

"I could get lost in them forever," Alex smiled.

John blinked. "I thought we were finished with the crappy pick up lines."

Alex shrugged slightly. "I'm just bridging the gap between pick up lines and compliments."

"You're much better at compliments than you are at pick up lines," John admitted.

Alex grinned, "I am so going to win this."

\----------

John wouldn't classify himself as sex-crazed, but with this whole stupid competition he hadn't had any for three days already and it was starting to get to him a little. Especially with this new stage of the aforementioned competition. It was like Alex and Lafayette were completely incapable of giving him a compliment that wasn't delivered in a sensual manner.

Frankly he wasn't sure just how he was going to get through the next three days.

"I can't do this," he moaned to Eliza and Hercules, his head falling against the table with a thunk. 

Alex always worked late and Lafayette was meeting with Washington, so John had once again taken the chance to sneak away and meet up with his best friends. Luckily, Hercules was a self-employed tailor so he could lock up his shop whenever he felt like it and Eliza was finishing up her Masters degree and nearly done with her thesis so she could take the time to have coffee with the two of them. 

"I'm starting to think that we're only friends so that you can complain at us," Hercules said flatly. 

"Shut up," grumbled John, "That's not true. Mostly."

"Just as I suspected," Hercules rolled his eyes.

"Oh hush," Eliza playfully swatted at Hercules, "can't you see he's in distress?" 

She maintained her seriousness for about five seconds before cracking up.

"I'm being tortured and you're laughing," complained John.

"Because being lavished with compliments is now considered torture?" Eliza raised her brow.

"It's not the compliments that are tortuous, it's the fact that they won't follow through," John sighed, "Stupid Alex and his stupid no sex stupidity. The only consolation I have is that it's just as bad for them."

"We keep saying that you should just choose one of them and be done with it," Hercules told him, "But nooooo."

"It's not that easy," John frowned.

"Yes, yes. We know," Eliza said, flapping a hand, "pouting, changing minds, more pouting. We love you, John, but you're being a broken record."

"I know," mumbled John, "Thanks for listening to me, though."

"You're nearly halfway there," Eliza soothed him.

John let out a deep sigh, "Halfway..."

\----------

Stage 3: Physical Appearance  
Day 1

If John thought the compliments were bad, this was even worse. It wasn't really fair of Alex and Lafayette to play to his kinks this way, honestly. Seeing Alex in a tank top was bad, but Lafayette batting his eyelashes and making that glittery eyeliner sparkle was just plain mean.

He was sorely tempted to just crash at Eliza's and hope this would all pass and told her as much as he flopped on her couch.

"Oh no, I don't think so," Eliza said, "If the two of them start coming around and knocking on my door, serenading you through the walls and all that crap then I will probably kill all three of you."

"Eliza..." John pouted, "I can't stand it anymore."

"So fight back!" Eliza said, "They're taunting you, taunt them too. Dress sexy, I don't know. Maybe that will convince them both to stop."

"You think so?" John raised his brow.

"Seriously it's so easy to get Alex to bend," Eliza grinned, "you of all people should know that."

John felt a grin spreading across his face. Alex and Lafayette wanted to escalate to teasing him? Three could play at that game.

\----------

Day 2

He started out with small things such as walking around just out of the shower with just his towel, John was certain he could hear Lafayette's jaw hitting the floor.

John dug out some of his older clothes from before he had started bulking up a bit and found that they still fit, albeit snugly. Alex was practically drooling at the sight and John smirked to himself.

"No way either of them will win now," John grinned as he caught his reflection in the mirror.

When he wasn't wearing tight clothes, John was opting for less clothes. He had never been one to lounge around in his boxers, but he found himself doing so now. Alex and Lafayette were in an almost constant state of speechlessness.

John was now very pleased with himself, and it had all come down to this. The last day.

\----------

Day 3

The last day of the competition finally arrived and John couldn't be happier. Alex and Lafayette had been attempting to up their game since John had joined the fray, but they both seemed to keep getting distracted by him.

John couldn't help but feel very pleased with himself, he had to admit it was very entertaining to see the way Alex and Laf stared at him every time he did something new.

And now it was all over and John didn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course, there was still one small matter that had to be settled. 

"Come on," Alex whined, "Who won?"

"I was being forced to 'participate' against my will!" John groaned, "besides wouldn't it be better to have an impartial judge?"

Then a look crossed Alex's face and John knew he was going to regret what happened next.

"I'll call Eliza," Alex decided. 

It was Lafayette's turn to whine, "That's not fair! You used to date her, of course she'll vote for you."

"No she won't," Alex shot back and pressed her number. 

"So you admit that I will win," Lafayette grinned. 

Alex shushed him with a wave of his hand.

\----------

"I can't believe you got me to do this," Eliza sat herself on their couch.

"Nobody can resist Alex," John sighed, sitting next to her, "I really don't blame you."

"You're an impartial judge," John explained, "Although, considering that you haven't seen most of their ridiculousness, I don't know how you can be."

"I told you this was a stupid idea," Lafayette muttered, "and we weren't ridiculous."

"You really were," John countered, "and it's rude of both of you to expose Eliza to it. I mean, to be fair I did talk to her about it, but I spared her the specifics. Usually."

"So do you not actually need me?" Eliza slowly got up.

"No wait!" All three of them shouted.

"I just want this to be over," John sighed.

"Fine," Eliza said, "I suppose...if I had to make some kind of decision..."

She looked around at all three of them. Alex was grinning at her hopefully while Lafayette did his best not to give puppydog eyes. John, meanwhile, looked so done with the world. 

"John," Eliza decided, "From what I've heard, you two have barely been able to focus on your own carrying on these past couple of days. Therefore, John wins."

"What?" Alex exclaimed.

"That is not fair," Lafayette folded his arms across his chest and frowned.

"And yet," grinned Eliza, "Thanks for having me over, boys."

John couldn't help but laugh as she left, leaving Alex and Lafayette gaping.


End file.
